2025-01-13 13:31 IST
honestly… im kinda considering switching back to the old blogging format. will my blog posts get lost? i guess so. no tags, no organization… just blogging. i kinda want that again…
i’ve been growing more and more tired of social media … again. i got on X/twitter and see how much it sucks now… and then i look at how instagram is growing more and more conservative too… i think it’s inevitable. people tell us about this, that no social media is ever a safe space, you will always be on the run from them. i know i have to leave, i know i have to use this.
i honestly haven’t been using social media much, i barely ever post on anything, i scroll reels sometimes, i watch youtube most of the time, and i talk to friends on discord. bluesky, X, instagram, i dont really post or anything on them. i realised how much of my mindspace is taken up by this, i just couldn’t do it anymore. i want to have a break and not think about any of this, i dont want to think about how the site i’m using is run by a nazi, i’m tired man. i enjoy the peace and comfort of just watching youtube and forget the internet is a social place, it’s just me watching some videos
it feels a little lonely honestly, i rarely ever interact with people…
but then i realised these friendships are all kind of hollow? if they fall apart once i stop using a social media… what even is that? are these parasocial relationships? am i experiencing that? crazy.
the problem is… i don’t have a life outside of my computer. i don’t go outside, i don’t hangout with people in real life. quite frankly, social media has been my primary way of socializing since i was… 13. i just prefer this, even now when i’m 22, i try to go outside and hang out with people and stuff and while it is fun, i do usually think “we could have way more fun playing a video game online…”
so yes, i don’t think i can survive without internet socialization… whether that’s a mental illness or not is up for someone way smarter than me to decide. for now, i’m just not vibing with this.
but as i said, i’m tired of social media, so lately i’ve been trying to find different ways to do it…
so as i’m writing this blog post… it’s probably obvious what i decided to do. the problem is, the indie web is also scary.
see i like the idea of being free from corporate control or whatever, but i do believe in censorship. i do think there should be a limit on how much people are allowed to say, the problem being who gets to decide that?
if there is a world conflict, there are people on either sides, who really gets to decide whos voice is right? because if one is right, the other is “wrong” and will be considered offensive. this is where things get mucky.
what do we do about this? no clue.
i really don’t like going on the internet and enjoying a website and then finding out the cute fem website user is in fact, a TERF. i hate reading a decent website and finding out the user is actually a nazi. a cool website talking about tech stuff and finding out the user is one of those tech lib bros that just want “free speech” so they can be a bigot. this kinda stuff is bound to happen. i hate it. i don’t know how to deal with the stress of knowing i’ll have to see shit like that and there’s nothing i can do about it. there are no rules, people can say and do as they wish, this is the spirit of the indie web… i dont know
i guess the indie web is mostly filled with queer people so it’s fine but… ugh .
…what?
so yeah i was going through stuff and i kinda felt like drowning in the aesthetic as i was doing that and i started listening to animecore or webcore and oh myyy goodddddddd i LOVE THISSSSS
yeah these are so cute… now i’m tempted to redesign my website to have an animecore aesthetic. FUCK MY CHUNGUS LIFE BRO!!!!!!!!!!
i’m thinking in terms of patterns now, so…
“i spend all my day doomscrolling youtube and instagram… what do i replace this with?”
“can i give myself a goal to work towards that makes me use the indie web more for the sake of it? other than just the end goal being using indie web?”
A. MARGANLIA EXPLORE - THIS IS SO COOL. it’s basically like those old things where you can explore random websites, this is just a bit easier since you can see mulitple at a time and click on any you find interesting. this is just youtube doomscrolling LOL. i highly recommend this to find random fun websites. this is a good alternative to just going through new websites on neocities/nekoweb (which is also a good bet)
B. i think my goal is to make a youtube video on this… that might make me explore my options since i’m thinking of an end guide to make. other than that, i think i need to make guides, i LOVE teaching people things, so let me make guides here to teach people and find good ways to do that.